I wish I only lived at night.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
