What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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