Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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