We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
