Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize