from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
