His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
