I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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