If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
