did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
