How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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