He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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