i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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