Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
