Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
