Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
