So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
