I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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