I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize