you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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