I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize
