in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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