The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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