Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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