Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
tell me about the eggs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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