I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
