I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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