I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
