I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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