Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
