No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
