I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
