My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
