Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
