I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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