Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize