there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
