there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
A+ Viking dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
