trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
