did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
