I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
