Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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