I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
