I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
