This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
