i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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