what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize