true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize