I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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