you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
