I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
