is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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