There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
