OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
