I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The Olympian is in my bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
