ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
