I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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