Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
