So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
