I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
