i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
