gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
