Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
