oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
