Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
