I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
