I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
