We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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