Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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