After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
