This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
