i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
