Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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