My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize