If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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