i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
