my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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