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even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
