i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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