It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
