Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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