After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
