mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
