Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
