Cold hands, warm shart.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize