i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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