some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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