How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
