4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
