my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
