Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize