I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
