this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
