I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
