my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Will exercising make me less horny?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
