god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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