if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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