Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
