i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
