Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Less talking, more tequila
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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