good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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