I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
