Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
