The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
how does that bad decision feel?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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