I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just gargled with NyQuil
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
