I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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