He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
