they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dick very happy bro
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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